The Dark Night of the Soul... or an Early Riser?

I gotta stop this. There's something very "reading someone else's diary" about these statistics. And don't think for a moment I'm not aware of my own narcissism in this whole thing too. This is not about my short-comings. It's about some poor Islander up at 4am Saturday morning with nothing better to do than drop in and read and little "Don't Feed the Writer."

I should totally craigslist-pei this in "missed connections"...

me: self-absorbed blogger with a thing for stats... you: late-to-bedder (or early-to-riser?) looking for something to read... you didn't leave a comment.

in fact...I'm going to post that right now. get the old craigslist-pei going.

But seriously. I'm curious. were you bored? couldn't sleep? stumbling home drunk and wanted to see if I was any funnier when you were loaded? Did you wake up screaming and need to mellow out? Let me know... I'm worried.

The Best Writing Lesson I Ever Got: Part One

It's been a tough couple months for the Yes/No movie reviews. When I started them, it seemed like an ingenious (ie easy) way to pop out some quick content for the website. I would see a film or show, read a book, catch some theatre and I'd just say "Yes" or " No." "Go" or "Don't Go."

What could be easier.

And for awhile it was. United 93 was a fantastic film, (the best film I've seen so far this year). An easy "Yes".

X-men III came out and maybe other people liked it more, but I thought it was a mess: simple "No."

But it got a lot tougher... I took flack from friends and strangers alike about my "Yes" on Nacho Libre. Sure I was disappointed, I knew there was no way the film could live up to the trailer, I heard rumours of bad reviews, my expectations were suitably lowered when I went to the theatre... and I still laughed my butt off. How much is a laugh worth? I'd happily pay a buck for a good solid laugh. I got my money's worth from Nacho and stand by my positive.

But then.... the second wave of summer blockbusters comes.... Superman Returns was Superman: The Movie Redux. I was enjoying it from the opening credits... and I'm going: I get it, just like the first movie, only a little updated... (I should have known then what was in store). Brandon Routh did a great Christopher Reeves imitation. Parker Posey was an interesting Miss Tessmacher... but the movie stopped holding my interest about half way through.

Pirates of the Caribbean: II followed shortly thereafter. It had like five movies stuffed into one there was so much action, so many subplots... trouble was they never got around to finishing any of them... unsatisfying.

And big budget films haven't been the only ones to leave me wanting more. I saw The Notorious Bettie Page this past week at City Cinema. The subject matter was interesting, the presentation fun but about two-thirds the way through... whatever was interesting in the story Mary Harron, et al. were telling was done. It kinda just eventually rolled to a stop.

This is an unfortunate situation. How could I possibly tell my school-age self to give Superman or Pirates a miss because it was "unsatisfying"? There was still a lot to enjoy in both films. Why should people miss Gretchen Mol's terrific performance or the interesting conversations that arise from the issues that surround Betty Page just because the movie peters out... so to speak.

All this to come around to one of the best writing lessons I ever got.

I was having lunch with Mike Clattenburg at Churchill Arms one day. What? Is that too name-drop-y? So how 'bout... I was having lunch with Mike Clattenburg in this pub/restaurant in Charlottetown.... Okay fine, I was having lunch with this guy who directed of what I predict will be the biggest grossing canadian feature film ever) and I was telling him about this feature I was working on and started in on the standard pitch. He stopped me...

"Just tell me the last big scene"

Huh?

"Just tell me what happens the in climax scene, tell me everything that's going on!"

Uhm.

Yeah. It wasn't a show stopper... but it was a pitch stopper. My ending wasn't a bang but a whimper. I stuttered a little bit about "context" and "performance-based"... but I wasn't a fast enough talker to convince myself (or Mike) that the ending was anything but unsatisfying in every way.

But, you know, it makes working on scripts a lot easier now. I just make sure I ask myself: "How does it end?"

Writers, myself included, spend so much time on the first couple scenes of their script... as they should. But on behalf of movie lovers everywhere I beg you, please spend just as much time on the ending!

Speaking of which... Mr. Clattenburg, sir... I'll be watching!

Giving the people what they want...

...which, apparently for people visiting this site is: more Alisen Down!



All right. I confess, I do keep an eye on the statistics about visitors to the site. I get a kick out of seeing where people come from, what's brought them here... how long (or short) they stay. Do I do it obsessively? I don't think so... define "obsessively". Fine, it's obsessive. Moving on.

Okay... so I was talking about the cool things the statistics tell me. And let me tell you, if Alisen Down was a stock... I'd be buying. I've mentioned the lovely Ms. Down a couple times in passing. She's the subject of one of the posts. And I get more hits from Alisen's Official Fan Site, which was sweet enough to link to the post (thank you Alisen's Official Fan Site) than any other site, but even more telling, there is a daily stream of people from all over the world visiting the site after having Googled her.

And it's not just a couple folks in BC specifically, or Canada generally, of which there are many... or the United States, of which there are quite a lot more! There are people from Brazil, Australia, Belgium, the UK, Argentina, Spain... Chile!

I mean, holy smokes!

So, in the interest of giving the people what they want... because all of these Alisen Down fans can't be wrong... here's a Don't Feed the Writer Alisen Down Exclusive-- you will not get this information anywhere else!

1. Alisen Down is taller than you think.... though it might be the heels she sometimes wears.

2. Alisen Down's dad seems like a nice guy. I met him briefly, he told a joke and appeared proud as he could be about his girl.

3. Alisen Down loves aniimals. Especially funny looking dogs.... Okay, I'm making a generalization here, but I'd bet if you had a dog with a bit of character, she'd make a bit of a deal over him.

4. Alisen Down is a good dancer. And not just on screen (where she dances fantastically) but also in real life. I know because I danced with her. That's right suckers! She moved her arms and legs and everything... Okay maybe I didn't dance with her but definitely beside her.

So. There you go Alisen Down fans. That's about all I've got. I just hope Alisen will forgive me for giving out this totally awesome, exclusive, inside stuff.

eTalk Daily consider yourself scooped!

"So when was it on?"

Listen, I know we're all very busy people now-a-days. What with careers, family, DVD box sets and the internet and all. But there's no excuses anymore, people.

It used to be, as a viewer of fine Canadian programming, you had rely on rumour and innuendo, scan the trades, watch the skies, and hope for a sign. When the first season of Robson Arms was aired the scheduling was a little... quirky. There were several email blitzes to family and friends to remind them when the show was on... and which network. Not to mention how many shows are advertised here in the AST provinces at EST hours. Not helpful. The troubles multipled when some episodes were aired a second time last winter.

And like most writers of Canadian Television I am mostly an avid watcher of Canadian Television. But I have to admit that even though I'm a guy with something at stake in the industry I find it hard to keep track of shows. And it's not just one network... Rick Mercer's Monday Report moved to Tuesday. (I know, I know, I'll get over it one day) Alice, I think; is on Fridays on Comedy... but also Sundays on CTV or visa versa. Falcon Beach was on Wednesday and Saturdays on Global... but it was the same episode... and I honestly can't remember when the hell Billable Hours is on. I can see where people could get confused.

Well no longer.

A couple of well-informed bloggers have put together a website about the whens and wheres of Canadian Television Programming. On the site is a list of all canadian shows that are on the air, episode synopses and schedules. You can even sign up to have email alerts of your favourite shows sent to you.

The site is still in it's early days so my long term expectations are being kept in check but I'm sincerely grateful to the people behind it. I hope the industry gets behind this grass roots site... and that it lasts long after the second season of Robson Arms get to air.