What I learned on my Summer Workation: Part One

My apologies.

I've slacked off too long. Denis never stopped posting while he was toiling away on his shows. Will kept the faith while waist-deep in rewrites. But I am a more beautiful and delicate flower and wilt readily at the prospect of too much work... or too little food.

Which leads me to the subject of the next several posts, in case the title was too subtle.

Tip #1:

Go Easy on Crafty!

Forgive me if I occasionally imply that all writers are of a kind. It's not true. We're all miserable in our own special and unique ways.

That's said, I've yet to met a writer, man or woman, who didn't like the Craft Service table a little more than was good for them. Even a TV writing goddess like Jane Epenson... what's at the end of her every post? What she had for lunch, people! And when the table is laid out by a special lady like Gianna, the Robson Arms Season III Craft Service angel... it's even worse.

Sure, there's fresh fruit and veggie trays, ginseng nectar and herbal teas but it's the pastries, cakes, butter-soaked chocolate, and cheesey thai wraps that keep you coming back. I'm not exaggerating when I say I started training for this season last winter. I'm not a small guy by any stretch, but when I arrived it was fresh from three pilates classes a week. Down from my typical Sea Lion form to a well-fed Otter. I knew it was gonna be a marathon and I was ready.

Bullshit. I'm an eff'ing Walrus!

No amount of training can prepare the Special Needs Child that is the TV writer for the debauchery that awaits him-- all day-- every working day-- at the magical all-you-can-eat-bottomless-cup-of-whatever-you-desire that is Craft Service.

Within the first week there was no semblance of restraint and I... no, dammit, I wasn't there alone... WE spent almost as much time at the table as an Extra... yeah... that's right-- it was that bad. I didn't get my shit together until the fourth week in.... and by then it was too late...

So there you go, Chubbies.

You wanna be a TV writer? Have a salad once in a while.

The Lame and the Great

I am lame.

I'm in the middle of production on Robson Arms III and there's lots of exciting stories to tell and lessons I'm learning, but by the time I leave the set there's just no desire to go near my laptop until the next day when duty calls.

That said, I'm totally blown away by the awesome posts that my fellow canadian TV writers Denis McGrath and Will Dixon are putting out there. In addition to his fine and continuing coverage of the state of our industry McGrath has posted a series of interviews with Greg Daniels. A must read.

Over at Uninflected Images, there's a number of posts (no less than six at present) about my personal hero Al "the Silver Fox" Magee. And when Al speaks, the wise listen.

"Tagged"

Jesus... I've been tagged. This has never happened to me before. I feel like the Sally Fields of the internet. Thanks to Callaghan for this honour. Sorry it's been been so long since you tagged me. I had no idea. It's probably my fault he hasn't posted in a month.

The request is for: Five Things you Probably Don't know about me.

1. I'm an award-winning piper. I played the bagpipes from the time I was ten until I was 18. Sadly it was just before the whole Celtic craze thing so all I got were the typical "blowing your pipe" jokes. For those of you who don't understand I will now act it out.

Also: proof of this claim can almost certainly be found at the Ottawa Piping Club where my name is engraved on the trophy for Best Strathsbey and Reel.

2. I own three telescopes. A 12.5" Dobsonian, a 70mm Ranger, and I built my own 8" dobsonian telescope. I've loved astronomy since my folks took the five of us kids out to the Dominion Observatory one cold winter night and we saw Saturn. It blew my mind... I seen Saturn many times since then... it blows my mind every time.

3. Here comes strike three: as I already confessed to Dix, I am a magic nut. Just having written these three things suddenly explains so much I haven't understood for the longest time. I am a genuine-and-not-in-a-cool-way geek. I think Jay Sankey is a genius, I took magic classes from David Acer at Perfect Magic when I was going to the National Theatre School. He was like 15 at the time and was already a great performer.

4. My late aunt Millie had what I think is the most incredible name: Melba Opal Phoebe McKay. Plus everybody called her "Millie"!

5. I wrote my first play in grade one: It was Robin Hood. I directed it. And cast it. I was Robin Hood and Barbie Melson was Maid Marian. It was about how Robin Hood wanted to kiss Maid Marian and then marry her. My friend Ross McKenzie wanted to be in it. He was Friar Tuck. His job was to marry Marian and Robin. My other friend David wanted to be in it. But what part was there left? Robin had to travel through the forest so, I wrote a special role for him... he was Robin Hood's donkey.

Thanks for the tag Callaghan.

I know now that am a wiener.